Superstitions
by imdrowninginfootwear
Summary: Dean/Cas. Dean takes Cas on his first road trip, and Sam is the third wheel. On the way they find a town where superstitions seem to be for good reason. Three guys, one hotel room, two beds, one couple . . . humor occurs.
1. Aww Man! Did My Pants Disappear Again?

"You haven't ever been on a roadtrip?" Dean asked his boyfriend in shock.

"Erm . . . no," Castiel replied sheepishly, "I usually just teleport or walk . . . and we're kind of busy with the whole apocalypse thing . . ."

"Who cares about the apocalypse, it doesn't look like there's a hell of a lot we can do about it anyways," Dean responded excitedly. "Tomorrow morning we're taking you on a roadtrip Cas, right Sammy?"

"Whatever, if it makes you two shut up!" Sam said throwing a pillow at the two laying in the other bed. "I'm trying to sleep over here, I still don't see why we couldn't get two rooms!"

"When you're the one paying you can decide," Dean argued.

"Credit card fraud isn't paying Dean," Sam responded sarcastically.

"The credit card's under my fake name so shut the hell up Sammy," Dean said throwing the pillow back.

The room was dead silent for a long time before Sam began snoring loudly.

"Where are we going to go?" Castiel whispered eagerly.

"I don't know, its a roadtrip, we don't have to know. We'll just drive until we have to stop," Dean whispered back putting his arm on Castiel's side.

". . . And you do realize that you don't have to sleep fully clothed right?" Dean commented on Castiel's 'pajamas' (his usual suit, tie, trench coat combo; complete with dress shoes).

"I'm good, besides I don't want Sam seeing me in my boxers in the morning, that would be too embarrasing," Castiel responded a little too loud.

"You two already had sex in front of me tonight, believe me I have seen more than I wanted to see of you," Sam responded annoyedly. "And why are you so embarrassed about your vessel's body?"

Two restless hours later Dean woke up and quietly left the room to go get a bucket of ice.

When he got back he gently nudged Castiel and whispered, "Time to get up."

Castiel instantly sat up.

"What's the ice for?" The angel asked confused.

"This," Dean said before throwing the entire bucket of ice onto the shape in the opposite bed. "Rise and shine Sammy!"

Sam instantly whipped out of bed, "What the hell was that for?"

"Its roadtrip time," Dean said with a smile, instantly recieving one back from Castiel. All he recieved back from Sam was various swears.

After he finally calmed down Sam asked, "Can I at least shower first?"

"Nope, you can go to the washroom and put clothes on, but you only have 10 minutes before we leave you here," Dean responded.

For the first time since he had been woken up Sam noticed his brother's state of dress.

"You went to go get ice in your boxers?" He yelled confused.

"Well yeah, its not like there's going to be anybody wandering around at 5 in the morning," Dean responded.

"It's five!" Sam said angrily, "Can't we leave later?"

"Nope, but you sir are running out of time before we leave," Dean said pointing to his watch.

Sam entered the washroom and closed the door.

A few seconds later Castiel began to giggle like a little girl.

"What's so funny?" Dean asked rolling his eyes.

Castiel just continued to giggle.

Dean glared at his boyfriend wondering what the cause of his uncontrollable laughter was.

Sam took that exact moment to walk out of the washroom.

"Woah, dude put some pants on!" Sam yelled shielding his eyes and turning back towards to the washroom. "Apparently I did have time for a shower!"

"Really Cas, that's what you use your angel powers for? To make my boxers dissapear?" Dean questioned embarrasedly after finally realizing what Castiel had done.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Castiel said smirking.

Dean looked down to see that he was suddenly fully clothed.

"That's not funny Cas, Sam's my brother," Dean said glaring.

Cas said nothing, just simply got up from his bed and slowly walked over to Dean and kissed him passionately, just as Sam tried exiting the bathroom again.

"Seriously?" Sam asked, "For once can I enter the room and not want to puke my guts out?"

"Your just jealous Sammy," Dean said putting his arm around Cas's back.

"He's what?" Castiel asked seriously.

"Never mind, I forgot you don't get sarcasm," Dean replied awkwardly as he walked out of the hotel room.

"Wait Dean, what's sarcasm?" Castiel yelled after him before running after him, followed by Sam.

**A/N: This was just a short prologue, if you enjoyed please review and I'll try to get the next chapter up soon. There will be a case in this story, but don't worry I won't take it too seriously! ;)**


	2. Cas Has One Strange Hobby

When Castiel and Sam walked outside they saw that Dean was already loading his stuff into the car.

"Shotgun," Sam called running to get in the passenger's seat.

"Where?" Castiel asked concerned.

"It means he wants front seat," Dean explained getting into the car.

Castiel stood outside looking confused, as usual.

"Oh," he said as he got into the back seat.

"Hey Sam," Castiel said touching his shoulder.

Just as Sam was about to turn and ask he realized that he was now sitting in the back of the car.

"Shotgun," Castiel said smirking from the passenger's seat.

Sam rolled his eyes angstily, but was only ignored.

"Hey Cas I made you something," Dean said turning the stereo on, "Its so you can learn some good music."

"You made him a mix tape?" Sam said critically.

Dean was about to answer when Castiel interuppted him.

"You put our song on here? Aww," Cas said happily.

"Your song is Rape Me by Nirvana?" Sam asked sarcastically.

"We were at a bar, super slammed, and said the next song that came on would be our song, so?" Dean said glaring at Sam in the rearview mirror.

A few minutes later the next song came on, Thunderstruck, by AC/DC.

"Dean I don't understand. How can you be thunderstruck? Do they mean struck by lightning? And why do they seem to be under the impression that its a good thing? Last time I checked being hit by lightning was a bad thing," Castiel asked without pausing to take a breath.

Dean just smiled and said, "Wait."

When the song came over Dean's voice came over the stereo explaining the meaning of the song.

"There's one for every song," Dean informed Cas.

"Why wasn't there one for the first song then?" Sam asked.

"Because I already had that one explained to me," Castiel said, sounding as proud as a kid on a Pull-Ups commercial.

"If angels can't sleep then what do you do at night?" Dean asked his boyfriend.

Castiel thought back to what he had been doing just last night as the others slept.

_He had been sitting on Sam's laptop at the Supernatural graphic novel fansite._

Dean girls I understand, but Sam girls really? And those slash fans, really Sam and Dean together? Eww. _Castiel thought as he signed up for an account._

_First he went into the Sam girls forum and made a topic called: Are You Out Of Your Fucking Mind Sam Girls? He then wrote an extensive complaint about how Sam has genital herpes, cooties, horrible sideburns and at one point had the clap and any Sam girls could do way better._

_Then he went into the Dean girls forum and made a topic called: Hells Yes He's Hot! ;). He wrote a paragraph saying how attractive Dean was and ended it with "Too bad he's only into pretty boy angels!"_

_Finally he went into the slash forum, he was disgusted when he saw that all the topics were about the brothers. He made a topic called: Red Bull Gives You Wings (he thought it applied, but that was because he didn't understand the phrase). He then copy and pasted both of the paragraphs from the other topics and wrote an extra won about how everybody knows Dean and Castiel were a match made in _heaven**.**

_He saw that Dean's alarm was about to go off so he quickly used his angel powers to make his topics permanently the first in all lists, then shut the computer off and went to go lay on the bed and stare at the ceiling tiles._

He quickly answered Dean's question with a simple, "Not much, watched you sleep and layed around just thinking about stuff."

"Ooh a pie shop," Dean said pulling into a parking lot. . . . little did he know this wasn't just any pie shop, it was the pie shop where they would find their next case.

**A/N: Please review or else Castiel might just start to understand things . . . Sorry this took so long to update I've been fairly busy. I'm also sorry about the ultra short length of this chapter and a bit of a cliff hanger. I'm doing Script Frenzy this month, but I'll try to update soon. Thanks to Wolfpacklover, Sensei's Little Thunder Ninja, and darkphoenix2345 for reviewing chapter one. And also thanks to anybody who read last chapter and this one. :D**


	3. Hissy Fits Get You Nowhere! Or Do They?

**A/N: Sorry this update took so very very long in advance, I totally forgot about this story. :(**

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Dean raced out of the car happy as could be thinking about all of the fantastic flavours of pie he would find in this paradise that seems to have been designed personally for him.

Meanwhile in the car Cas and Sam were still sitting there since Dean had the child safety locks on. This was since three times on the road trip so far Cas had 'accidentally' opened the door on a highway to lean far out of the car and wave at cars passing by then to hit their roofs.

"How do we get out of here?" Cas asked genuinely concerned looking nervously at the oh-so-complicated door handle.

"You're an angel can't you just-" Sam was cut off by Cas teleporting out of the vehicle. ". . . . poof away?"

Now that Cas was gone Sam could safely unlock the doors from the driver's door without having Cas smack him on the ass. Sam really wondered why Cas had done that the first time he had tried, but found out quickly when Cas gave a huge long tale of how he's an angel and he doesn't know any better because Dean told him that its social protocol.

When Sam walked into the pie shop he was very embarrassed to see Dean yelling and showing off his fake FBI badge saying it was a pie-mergency and using his 'authority' to cut in line.

"How can I help you sir?" Asked the pimple-faced teenage boy who was working the cash register.

"I need an apple pie asap, its a matter of life and death!" Dean yelled flashing his badge (and his gun) like a maniac.

"We're out of apple pie, I'm sorry sir. Can I interest you in our signature blueberry delight?" He asked nervously.

"No, bitch!" Dean said unhappily. Then to Cas and Sam, "Lets get out of here."

"Give me a second," Sam said walking over to the employee.

"I'm sorry for him, he's got a mental illness, but its okay those are just play badges and guns. He won't really hurt you, he's just a little upset. So what happened with the apple pie?" Sam said apologetically.

"Apples won't grow anywhere near here anymore. We pride ourselves on our home-made pies, so we can't make an apple pie without real apples. We're waiting for a shipment that's being imported," The boy answered.

"Well that's sufficiently boring Sam, its nothing supernatural, and if it is who gives a fuck," Dean said. "Now lets go!"

Sam followed the two men outside, but as soon as they got in the car he went into a major bitch-fit.

"Ever since you two started dating you have both turned into severe assholes. I mean what the hell was that? You're ordering pie, not robbing a bank! And seriously Cas get the hell out of the front seat, I called shotgun you pathetic little bitch!" Sam yelled in a temper tantrum.

"Jealousy much!" Cas said in the gayest tone of voice he has ever used in the history of ever.

"Damn Sam, you're hot when you're pissy," Dean said grinning.

"Oh shut up Dean, first you date a special-needs angel with the IQ of a watermelon and now you're hitting on your brother? You are such a man skank!" Sam yelled getting out of the car, slamming the door and stomping away.

"Thank god he's gone," Castiel grumbled, "Drive! Drive!"

"Cas that is so not cool," Dean said clearly upset and getting out of the car to follow after Sam forgetting that he wanted to go check and see if his car door was okay.

"Look I know that we can be a little overwhelming sometimes and that maybe you feel like the third wheel, but I mean really do you have to be such a dick about it?" Dean asked when he caught up to his brother in the washroom.

"Really Dean, that's your apology?" Sam asked.

"Look Sammy, its been just you and me for a really long time, but if you had brought Jess with us on that trip to Jericho do you think I would have reacted like you are?" Dean asked.

"No, you would have just hit on her. And plus she wouldn't have been a major bitch and I wouldn't be acting like a completely different insane person," Sam said.

"Sure its easy to say that now. But we'll never know for sure if she'd have been a bitch or not because guess what, she's dead, has been for years!" Dean yelled.

Sam burst into a series of angry swears and swung to punch Dean, but he missed.

When Dean went to hit him back Sam dodged and Dean wound up punching a mirror, which instantly shattered.

"Fuck," Dean grumbled looking at his cut up hand.

"Guess that's seven years of bad luck," Sam teased.

"I don't believe in that crap," Dean responded, then immediately tripped over his own feet while standing still and hitting his chin on the counter.

"Oh really?" Sam asked the mood beginning to lighten now that they had gotten some of their anger out.

"It was just a coincidence," Dean said turning and slamming his face into the bathroom door, then falling back and hitting Sam into another mirror which mimicked the last one.

"You okay?" Dean asked, but he tripped once again as he was saying it.

Sam went to leave the washroom at the same time and managed to sack himself with the garbage can and he fell forward and felt his lips make contact with his brother's.

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**A/N: Please read and review! Let me know your opinions on whether you want Wincest or Dean/Cas or what, your opinions on it will change the upcoming events . . . Sorry that this chapter was a little different and in my mind fairly unfunny. Please give me your opinions and I will try to update soon. Sorry to leave you on a cliff-hanger, guess Sam and Dean are stuck locking lips until the next update ;)**


	4. Puke and Glitter

**A/N: Okay so I'm going with Dean/Cas because most of you voted that way. That was actually where I probably would have rather gone anyways I just figured if everyone wanted it that would have been a good place to create a Dean/Cas Dean/Sam love triangle. But without further ado here we go:**

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_Sam went to leave the washroom at the same time and managed to sack himself with the garbage can and he fell forward and felt his lips make contact with his brother's._

Dean went to talk at the same time as Sam did and all of a sudden their tongues were touching.

The boys quickly ripped their mouths apart, but the damage was done.

"I need to go wash my mouth out and throw up a bit," Dean said moving towards the sink with surprisingly few stumbles.

"Oh god I know what was in that mouth last night! How many STDs did I just get?" Sam said falling through a stall door to hit the floor and puke all over the floor (and himself) before he could get to the toilet.

Meanwhile Dean was scooping handful after handful of water into his mouth, then spitting it out trying to wash his brother out of his mouth.

While he was doing so the water turned black and he didn't notice until he had already scooped it into his mouth.

"Fuck!" Dean shouted. "At least it tastes better than Sammy's mouth though."

He spit it out what was still in his mouth with enough force to send him backwards to fall into the stall where Sam was still laying on the floor in his own vomit.

Dean tripped over his brother and hit the back of his head on the toilet knocking himself unconscious pinning Sam to the ground who had broken his right arm in his own fall.

* * *

"This is just getting ridiculous leaving me in the car for so long, I don't have all the time in the world," Cas complained to himself as he sat in the car. "You know what I'm bored."

Castiel doesn't cope with boredom so well, as he showed with his shenanigans on Sam's laptop the night before. So he decided he would poof himself up some fun, aka he was going to go get some people he thought were cool and lock them in a car with him.

* * *

"Uh-What happened?" Dean asked trying to sit up, but falling back onto Sam. "Shit my head hurts."

"Ow, you landed on my bad arm," Sam whined.

"Since when do you have a bad arm?" Dean asked.

"Since I broke it when I fell through the door to puke your germs out," Sam said pushing Dean off of him with unbroken arm.

Suddenly it all came back to Dean in a wave of memory.

"Your puke is all over me!" Dean yelled rushing to get up and barely succeeding due to obstacles that weren't even there.

"If it makes you feel any better I have just as much of it on me," Sam offered barely getting up himself due to hitting his bad arm on the wall, the toilet paper holder, the toilet, and the door.

"Dude we've got to get out of here and get Cas to lay some of his angel mojo on us," Dean said limping towards the door unsure of exactly when he had injured his leg.

It took both of them working together to finally get through the door after many failed attempts ending with Sam falling into the garbage can, or into the door, or Dean falling straight to the floor and getting glass shards stuck all down his back, or falling against the wall hard enough to leave a dent (which was even worse due to the glass).

When they got through the door the boys decided that it would be safest if they held hands and Dean guided them along a wall, while Sam kept his broken arm tight to his chest.

All together it was a fairly strange sight, two puke, blood, and glass covered men holding hands, limping, and using a wall to try and keep their balance, but still stumbling every couple of feet.

"Wait a second, I need to stop for a minute," Dean said out of breath leaning against the last corner of the wall. "God walking is hard today!"

"Maybe if we just wait here Cas will see us from the car and come help us," Sam suggested.

"I don't think so look over there," Dean said pointing to his car which was physically rocking back and forth.

When Sam looked closer he saw that Cas was having some kind of party with Lady Gaga, Andy Samberg, and . . . wait was that their dad?

It was hard to tell from across the parking lot, especially since they had a disco ball that was shining glare at them in the sun, and they were all wearing sunglasses and dancing however much they could to the blaring party music while stuck in a car.

Cas kept bobbing his head back and forth blocking the view of the man who was possibly their father.

"Well isn't your boyfriend reliable? You're covered in a pile of vomit passed out on the bathroom floor and he's holding a dance party, and in your car of all places," Sam said angry at the angel who clearly wasn't going to come to help them.

"Whatever, lets just try to get across the lot," Dean said ignoring Sam's negative comments on his pretty boy angel.

"Alright, lets just run to the first row of cars and use them for balance," Sam suggested hoping that this was a good plan.

"Sounds like the easiest approach to me, lets do it," Dean agreed. "3-2-1, go!"

As the last word came out of his mouth both boys ran to the row of cars, Sam almost fell, but they were still holding hands so Dean dragged him forward.

They continued this for two more rows, unluckily setting off every car's alarm, before they reached the impala.

Dean quickly opened the back door, having also wondered if their dad was in the car, but not daring to say anything afraid that it wouldn't be true and he would disappoint not only himself, but Sammy.

He fell back into the car parked next to theirs as he opened the door, but he barely noticed.

"Dad?" Dean asked not believing what he saw before him.

The man who was sitting in the back seat of the car was wearing a pair of bedazzled sunglasses and covered in immense piles of rainbow glitter, but it was John Winchester, that much the brothers knew for sure.

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**A/N: Please read and review. I hope you enjoyed this chapter (even if not much really did happen :P) I'll try to get the next one up soon.**


	5. Cas is the Man of this Relationship

_"Dad?" Dean asked not believing what he saw before him._

_The man who was sitting in the back seat of the car was wearing a pair of bedazzled sunglasses and covered in immense piles of rainbow glitter, but it was John Winchester, that much the brothers knew for sure._

"What?" John Winchester asked before he remembered that he had been dead for almost five years and that this wasn't just a casual conversation exchanged between father and son.

"You're alive?" Dean said uncertainly with tears beginning to stain his cheeks.

"So are you. I thought you died saving Sam," John responded.

The two went to go for a hug before John noticed the vomit covering his sons and backed away.

"Hey Cas can you clean this up?" Dean asked pointing towards the cuts on him and Sam as well as Sam's arm.

Cas sighed and got out of the car.

"I'll fix it as soon as you tell me how the hell you got this messed up in the half hour you were gone," Cas told them.

"We broke some mirrors and now we have bad luck," Sam told the angel glumly.

"Do you think you could fix our luck situation too?" Dean added.

Cas didn't answer. But instead placed two fingers on Sam's forehead and in a flash he was fully recovered and in a clean set of clothes.

"And for you," Cas said before he leaned in to kiss Dean in order to repair his wounds and clean him up.

After he pulled away he turned around to see John's face in an utter state of shock.

"Dean are you gay?" John asked trying and failing to hide the fact that he was completely and utterly flabbergasted.

"Um-" Dean said unsure of what to say in between the fear of his father's rejection of the truth and the puppy dog eyes his boyfriend was giving him.

Sam just began to laugh hysterically to the point of falling over and getting scratched up.

Dean decided that he would help him back up and slap him a good one on the back, but instead when he tried he fell over beside his brother.

"I thought you fixed our luck," Dean complained.

"I thought I did . . . maybe it can't be fixed by me," Cas said still pouting about Dean's reaction.

"If a superstition got us into this maybe a superstition can get us out of this," Sam said devising a plan. "So if Cas can find us some horseshoes we might be able to equal our luck out."

"Of course, because I'm here as your personal assistant, my life revolves around improving your day," Cas said using sarcasm surprisingly well.

Unfortunately Sam didn't seem to notice and added, "And some four-leaf clovers too."

"I'll get right on it your majesty," Cas said disappearing angrily.

"So you and the angel . . . ?" John asked still stuck on the Dean is gay detail.

"No, are you crazy Dad? Look he has a crush on me and takes whatever chance he gets, but we're just friends. That's it! I mean I'm Dean Winchester, the straightest man this world has seen," Dean argued.

"Oh," John responded still sounding vaguely confused.

Cas hadn't actually left, he had just made himself invisible to the men. When he heard that he felt an anger stronger than one he had ever felt before in his life. He had become so angry that he had lost control of his powers and reappeared to them.

"Oh, hey Cas . . . you're back," Dean said trying to act casual, but he was clearly nervous and shocked to see him.

"Where are the horseshoes?" Sam asked seeing that the angel was empty-handed.

"Not here! Do you know why? Because apparently I'm just the fucking slave! Oh wait even slaves get paid a few cents. Or is my pay getting to see Dean? Because I mean after all its not like we're in a relationship or anything, I'm just the obsessed little stalker boy! Oh and guess what 'Dean Winchester, the straightest man this world has ever seen' was doing last night? It certainly wasn't a woman!" Cas yelled and then poofed away angstily, leaving them there to deal with the information he had just given.

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**A/N: Please read and review, every time someone reviews is one more time Sam or Dean takes their shirt off in the show, please support the good cause :P Anyways thanks for reading, I hope you liked it. I'll hopefully have the next chapter up soon.**


	6. Pregnant Angels and Unicorns

**THEN:**

Bad luck, bedazzled sunglasses, John's alive, Sam can't take a hint, Dean refuses to admit he's gay to John, Cas was spying and gets pissy!

**NOW:**

"Uh-oh, someone's in trouble!" Sam teased like a child who's classmate just called down to the principle's office.

He had said it to try and end the awkward silence, but it only gave the situation another layer of tension.

Finally John was able to put a sentence together.

"Wait how do you have sex with an angel? Don't the wings get in the way?" He asked showing that he clearly was focused on the most important part of the situation.

"Well apparently what you do is you get a hotel room with two beds and you have sex in one of them while your brother lays in the other clearly not asleep," Sam explained clearing up the logistics.

"So that's what we did wrong," John mused to himself.

"Umm . . . What?" Dean asked. "Who was this angel?"

". . . Zachariah . . . but it's okay because he was literally a man trapped in a woman's body," John explained. "And if the vessel's female its not gay, I checked- ha loop-hole!"

"Well that's fantastic. . . it really is," Dean said accompanied by his nervous laugh. "But right now we need to think of a plan to get Cas back before our bad luck kills us."

"You're the dumb-ass who pissed him off," Sam muttered. "And the dumb-ass who taught him to fight back and swear."

"Shut the hell up Sam, you're not helping!" Dean shouted.

"Now boys settle down!"John responded. "Is there any chance Cas could be pregnant? Because he seems a little hormonal."

"Well we didn't use protection," Dean responded. "But he's a man and not human so I'm going to say we're safe on that one."

"About that," Came a voice that appeared to come from nowhere.

"Cas?" Dean asked confused.

"Look, for angels either gender can get pregnant as technically speaking they can inhabit either gender. And it is possible for us to reproduce with humans," Cas informed Dean while still hidden.

"Cas are you saying that you're knocked up? You better get your ass visible right now and start explaining!" Dean yelled.

Cas appeared and began to speak, "I'm not sure, they don't exactly have angel pregnancy tests. And I already explained it. What part didn't you understand? Angels of either gender can get knocked up by humans, we had unprotected sex."

"But you don't have girl parts!" Dean accused. "And why don't they have angel pregnancy tests?"

Castiel began sobbing like a girl watching a chick-flick, "I do so, how could you say something like that to me? And maybe they don't have them because its not a regular occurrence, okay?"

"But you just said it is," Dean said confused.

"Shut the hell up!" Cas yelled as he sprayed Dean with fire that came from his fingertips until his boyfriend had turned into a pile of ashes.

A few seconds later Cas got all sappy and brought Dean back.

"I'm sorry I killed you honey," Cas whined.

"Yeah, no problem," Dean replied slightly confused.

"It's just that I've been under a lot of stress lately," He continued. "I mean can't even zap anywhere because I'm afraid it'll hurt the baby."

"Oh no, how will you live?" Sam said rolling his eyes.

"I know its terrible, I have to do things like walk, and ride in planes, and buses, and cars," Cas pouted.

"So I take that as a 'Dean was lying and is dating the angel'?" John asked.

"Pretty much," Balthizar said after suddenly appearing. "But while you were ignoring the apocalypse you missed a few details. Such as angels can't get pregnant, and Raphael severely drugged Cassie over here."

In reply to hearing his name Cas made a unicorn appear.

"I'm gonna name her Tiger, and I'm gonna play with her everyday, and we're gonna be best friends, and we're gonna share a castle, and we're gonna collect sea donkeys, and . . ." By now everyone was ignoring the drugged up angel.

That is at least until he began trying to take off his clothes and Dean had to physically remove Cas's hand from his clothes. It didn't help much because now Cas was going for Dean's pants.

"Wouldn't you be prettier without these?" He asked.

"As you can probably tell the affect of this drug worsens over time until it leaves the system," Balthazar explained. "But I don't think anyone has ever survived the drug before."

"Well that's cheery," John commented.

"Cheerleaders assemble!" Cas yelled and zapped himself up a woman's cheer-leading outfit.

"We're going to need help. . . and fast," Sam suggested.

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**A/N: Please read and review! Thank you all for reading! I know this chapter was just a _bit_ randomer than others, but in my defence I haven't slept in the last like 20 hours! Anyways I hope you liked it and I'll try to update soon.**


	7. Crossdressing: The Return

_"We're going to need help. . . and fast," Sam suggested._

Everyone turned to stare at Balthizar.

"Hey don't look at me, I'm just here to watch Cas while he's coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs," Balthizar said raising his hands in a symbol of innocence.

"Do you know who's my bestest friend ever?" Cas yelled interrupting the big-kid conversation. "Gabey cuz he lets me dress him up all pretty with wigs and make-up and skirts!"

"Okay we're going to have to remember that if we cure him," John said, yet again focusing on the most important thing. "Because we need to ask him later if he really dresses Gabriel up like a chick."

"Gabriel could probably help," Dean pointed out. ". . . But the only one he listens to is Sam." He hinted not so subtly.

Sam rolled his eyes then looked up to the sky and yelled, "Gabriel I need you! Its an emergency, so you'd better get your ass down here now!"

Sam turned around to see a _very _naked Gabriel (he wasn't just a little naked, he was _very _naked, keep that in mind).

Sam when to go say something, but tripped and fell on the naked angel.

"Oh shit that's right, we still have bad luck," Dean said as if he wasn't at all shocked by Gabriel's blatant nakedness.

"No kidding, dumb ass!" Sam yelled as he got back up.

"Wait why are they here?" Gabriel asked only noticing everyone else now.

"Why are _you_ naked?" Sam asked.

"Because you said you needed me and that it was an emergency, so I wasn't wasting time," Gabriel said confused by the fact that Sam was still fully clothed.

Before Sam could react Cas walked over to Gabriel and shouted needlessly loudly, "I have one of these!" While grabbing Gabriel's crotchular region.

"Umm that's great Cas, but its time to let go of that now," Dean said rushing over and turning bright red while trying to restrain his boyfriend.

"Okay!" Cas agreed excitedly, then leaned over and grabbed Dean's junk through his pants.

"Cas! Stop grabbing people's crotches!" Dean yelled.

Cas just let go, seemingly unaffected by Dean's comments as he turned to Sam to try and grope him.

"Cas!" Dean yelled getting really pissed.

"But he doesn't have one," Cas said with pure confusion.

"Wait what?" Dean asked forgetting about trying to get Cas to let go of his brother.

Sam just stood there awkwardly before trying to escape, which Cas didn't allow.

"His is different!" Cas yelled suddenly trying to rip Sam's pants off with both hands.

Dean quickly grabbed the angel and dragged him away from the others.

"Okay I want you to sit right here and practice tying your shoes okay?" Dean asked sitting him down.

"I wanna go to McDonalds!" Cas yelled, which Dean took as him agreeing.

Sam looked relieved that the attention was off of him.

It didn't last long though as Dean told him, "You know I'm not going to forget about this Sammy, we're going to have to have a little talk about this later."

"So what's the emergency?" Gabriel asked, now closed.

"Raphael drugged Cas and now he's umm . . . how shall I put this . . . special," Dean commented.

"So?" Gabriel asked clearly unimpressed by being there.

"So you're going to help or I'm going to tell all of your little angel friends about how you let Cas dress you up like a chick," Dean threatened.

"Deal," Gabriel agreed angrily.

"So what do we do first?" Asked John.

Balthizar whispered something in Cas's ear.

Cas nodded his head and quickly got up and pulled his pants down and yelled, "Pudding!" As loud as he could while throwing his arms in the air.

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**A/N: Please read and review! I hope you liked this short chapter! I just had to have the pudding thing at the end, I couldn't resist :D**


	8. Balthazar: Sadly the Straightest Angel

"So what am I supposed to do?" Gabriel asked.

"We need horseshoes and four leaf clovers," Sam told Gabriel.

"Why?" Gabriel asked.

"Broken mirrors and bad luck," Dean told him. "Now hurry up."

As soon as Gabriel left Dean turned to his father pissed off.

"Why don't you care that Sam's gay with an angel? Double standard much?" Dean yelled.

He should have tripped over his untied shoelace, but he was too pissed and didn't have time for that. In fact he was so mad that he scared his shoelace to the point of retying itself.

"What do you think Azazel's plans were for Sam and the children like him?" John asked.

"To kill each other until there was one left and lead his demon army?" Dean asked. "And to kill Lilith."

"Well that too, but mostly for a birthday present for Gabriel. They were really fighting to date him," John said as if this were common knowledge.

"Seriously, that was Sam's fate? To be gay with Gabriel? That was what I was going to have to kill him over?" Dean yelled.

"Pretty much," John responded casually.

Before Dean could say anything else Gabriel reappeared in front of him.

"Here," Gabriel said holding out a bag of four leaf clovers.

Dean filled each of his pockets, then took a horseshoe from Gabriel's other hand and hung it from his necklace.

Sam followed suit, except he tucked his horseshoe around one of his belt loops.

"Am I done here now?" Gabriel asked, not looking very happy about being there.

"No, Cas still needs a cure," Dean told him.

"That's impossible, the only cure is killing the poisoner," Gabriel told him.

"Can you do it?" Dean asked.

"Seriously?" Gabriel asked.

"Fine I guess I'll just have to send out a notice about your makeover . . . maybe Cas even has some pictures," Dean responded.

Gabriel sighed and agreed.

"Speaking of Cas where did he go?" Balthazar asked.

"Goddammit he's gonna get himself killed," Dean said pissily.

"Let me guess? You want me to go find him because I'm the one with the angel powers and a reason to be blackmailed," Gabriel said rolling his eyes. "Well maybe you should get Balthazar to go because I have a video where he's playing with Barbies. He does their hair and makeup, plus he names a Ken doll after himself and a Barbie after Betty White and has them make out."

"You said you'd never tell anyone!" Balthazar beginning to cry. " Besides Betty White's a hottie with a body!"

"Well that's an image I'll never get out of my head," Dean said grossed out.

"How about this we have information on both of you and it would be faster if you both worked together. So why don't you get looking?" Sam asked.

Both of the remaining angels disappeared in a flash.

"Can we leave now?" Asked Andy Samberg who was still sitting in the car with Lady Gaga.

"Lets go get pie!" Lady Gaga said pointing across the parking lot.

"Okay so we're going to have to get someone to wipe everyone hears memories clean later," Sam piped up.

When he turned to look back at his family he noticed that they were both eating pie.

"Where'd that come from?" Sam asked.

"I don't know, probably the same place as the piece your holding," Dean responded.

Meanwhile Cas was standing on top of Mount Everest yelling, "Pie for everyone!" Causing a slice of pie to appear in every person in the world's hands.

Somewhere in a hospital a surgeon was performing heart surgery.

He was carefully holding onto his patient's heart when out of nowhere a piece of pie appeared in the man's heart.

Needless to say the patient didn't survive his surgery.

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**A/N: Please read and review kind sir and or madame. Hope you liked it. :D**


	9. Five Guys: No Pants

Balthazar and Gabriel were searching for Cas when they each saw a flash of light.

When the flash was gone they found themselves in the middle of a desert with Cas.

Cas giggled and there was another flash of light before Dean, Sam and John showed up.

"Cas!" Dean began to say before he was shushed by the drugged angel.

"I brought you here because I have an important announcement to make," Cas said.

"Oh god," Balthazar said rolling his eyes as he heard music begin to play.

"I pick all my skirts to be a little too sexy," Cas began to sing and then he poofed himself into a short skirt. "Just like all of my thoughts, they always get a bit naughty."

With that everyone's pants disappeared leaving them in their boxers, that is except Cas who had poofed into pants to replace his skirt.

"Wow Cas that was really important, but I think we need to figure out a way to kill Raphael before you kill yourself," Gabriel told him.

"Bitchy, bitchy, bitchy," Cas began to sing again before John covered his mouth.

"Hey I have an idea," Sam declared. "We might be able to get Crowley to let us lock Cas in his warehouse where he can't use his powers so that he can't cause more damage."

"Like a loonie bin for angels?" Balthazar asked.

"Exactly," Sam replied. "Can you bring him here?"

As soon as Sam finished his sentence Gabriel reached out his hand and in a flash, literally, Crowley was there.

"What do you buggers want?" Crowey asked condescendingly.

"We need to use your secret warehouse thing," Dean told him getting straight to the point.

"Why?" Crowley asked.

"As a drugged angel lock-down," John explained.

"Fine, under one condition," Crowley said with a smirk.

"What?" Gabriel asked.

"I get to kiss Bobby again," Crowley said with a wink.

"Is anyone else here straight?" Balthazar asked.

There was complete silence.

"Of course not," Balthazar said sarcastically as he made Bobby appear.

"What the hell am I doing here?" He asked.

"We need your help," Dean told him. "Cas got angel roofied and now he's going to die unless we can kill Raphael."

"And where do I come into the picture?" Bobby asked.

"Cas is doing incredibly stupid things because of the drug and he's going to get himself killed," Sam explained. "We need Crowley's warehouse to keep him safe, but to get it you have to kiss him again."  
"Oh no, I am not helping you with this one," Bobby said walking away from Crowley.

"Your forgetting that I have photo evidence from last time that I can show all of your friends," Crowley threatened.

"Fine," Bobby said with a sigh.

He gave Crowley a quick peck, which literally caused Cas to puke rainbows.

"Here's the key," Crowley said throwing, big shocker, a key to Dean. "Find your own way there."

With that Crowley left to get back to his duties as self-proclaimed King of Hell.

"Now all we have to do is come up with a plan to kill Raphael," Said Gabriel.

"Oh because that won't be difficult at all," Dean said rolling his eyes.

"I didn't say it was easy, I just said it had to happen," Gabriel pointed out.

"What if we asked Lucifer nicely if he'd help us if we let him out of the cage?" Sam asked.

Everyone stared in shock.

"So you're going to get possessed by Lucifer again in hopes that he kills Raphael and Raphael only, then just hops back in his cage?" Asked Balthazar. "Sounds foolproof. Not to mention the fact that we can't re-kill Lilith to set him free."

"I wasn't letting him inside of you anyways," Gabriel said, completely noticing the double meaning.

"I've got an idea," Said Cas.

Everyone rolled their eyes.

"You need to let the big kids talk okay?" Asked Gabriel.

"Did I mention that the reason he drugged me is because I found the only thing that can kill me?" Asked Cas surprisingly lucidly. "I left it with Meg."

"Why'd you leave it with Meg?" Dean yelled, but Cas had already lost his lucidity.

Cas just began to count imaginary stars on his feet.

"We'd better get him on lock-down and go find Meg," Suggested John.

"First you boys need to get some pants on," Said Bobby.

Balthazar quickly poofed everyone who was affected by Cas's decision to strip other people's pants back.

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**A/N: Read and review puh-leaze! Thanks for reading. Sorry it took so long to update, I had trouble with writers block. I'll try to get the next one up quicker. By the way the song Cas was singing is Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy, Me.**


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